Inspiration is where you find it

You know, it’s funny how the most unexpected source of reading can impact your decisions.

I mentioned in an old post, I think it was in July or August, that I had made an unpleasant decision and was moving on to the next step. But that next step has been hanging me up a bit. Not in an unpleasant way, but in an I’m-nervous-about-making-the-same-mistake way but I’m working myself up to a decision. Of course, part of it has been 1) I traveled a lot last fall, so I could legitimately put it off for a while and 2) I needed to heal a bit before moving on. Time passing has done some of that healing, which is why I’ve been on the verge of making a decision, but I’ve still been feeling nervous. Why? Well, I have some concerns but have been realizing that the questions I want answered are quite possibly the wrong questions to ask. That’s why I’ve kept my mouth shut about them.

Now, just to give some background, I’m a Christian, from Protestant roots, and all of these problems have been related to which congregation I choose to attend.

So, you would think that the blogs I would read would all be of the same “denomination” as I, or at least Protestant in focus. Ironically, I’ve yet to find a good one that I would want to read, though I have looked. (Maybe God doesn’t want me to read those right now?) Instead, my blog drifting has led me to subscribe to a small number of blogs, some of which are the Messianic Judaism types and several others which are all Catholic. And while I have fundamental disagreements with quite a bit of their teachings (both types), I have found a certain amount of inspiration in both, including one I’ve just read that actually helps me understand that the problems I was having are real and not just all in my head.

In its own way, my group has its own liberal and conservation worship styles, and I was having problems with the attitudes of the more liberal group. I kept feeling like I was running into a wrong focus and a great deal of selfishness, to the point that I realized I couldn’t worship there anymore. Not that I didn’t love the people or feel that they were not Christians, but that my time of worship wasn’t bringing me any closer to God. My ability to worship had been compromised. The focus on God was off. And since part of the whole point of going to church is to worship God as a group, continuing to attend there is something that had to change.

This doesn’t necessarily answer my questions about where to place membership next, but it does remind me that the decision to leave was right. And it helps me to reframe the questions I’ve been having about my next congregation. Or perhaps, more accurately, give them their proper priority.

God does provide some answers when you least expect it.

Irritating

Sometimes you do something and realize afterward how unnecessary it was. And all because you don’t even follow your own instincts.

Yesterday after I got home after running some errands, I suddenly found my home computer wouldn’t turn on. It had worked with no problem that morning, but for absolutely no reason that I could see, it would NOT turn on.

This was frustrating and annoying. Also maddening. I am planning on replacing this computer soon, but not quite yet! I can’t really spare the money right now, it being home improvement year and all. Besides I think I’d like to use it as a combination backup and alternative test zone. I’ve always wanted to try the Linux OS, but being the chronic doublechecker, etc., that I am, I didn’t like the idea of playing with my one computer. But if I replace this as my main computer, then I could use it to play with the riskier items that I don’t want to try on my other pc.

I’ve also found that I am beginning to be addicted to constant internet contact. Not so much that I am always on or always need to be on, but I need to be always ABLE to get on if I’m at home. There’s too many things I do online which are part of the structure of my daily life, like paying my bills and checking my emails, that being without the capability for connection is subtly worrying. (It’s different if I plan it, like going on vacation.)

So, even though I didn’t want to, I got up and went to Best Buy to buy a new power supply. But the prices were obscene. Pardon, but I can get a decent power supply for $40 or less, not $70 or more! This store is definitely not meant for the person who knows what they want! That meant that I needed to go to Microcenter, which is a little farther away. So back home I went, since it was already too late to make it before they closed.

So this morning I got and get the power supply, among my other morning errands, get home, and start to replace it. And what happens? I 1) find out what is actually wrong is the power switch, which I forgot existed, got turned off accidentally, and 2) discover that the power supply I did buy won’t work with my computer (SATA connection, not IDE). I’m not sure which realization is more irritating. If I had just followed my instincts and pulled out my computer to really examine it carefully last night, this could all have been avoided.

Oh well, at least I got the computer(s) moved to where I want them now.